You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
