I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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