I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My ATM looks so different sober.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
