Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
So squirting runs in the family.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
