imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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