Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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