Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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