There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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