Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
