Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
