She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
