she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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