life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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