I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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