how can u be prego again
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
