I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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