i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
