Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize