In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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