I need help removing her.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
