Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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