Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I have fence marks all over my body
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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