Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
