Dual....:-)
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
