Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
