I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
