I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She bit a glass in half.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
