i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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