I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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