she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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