break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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