Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
