He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
