I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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