And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
