it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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