I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So here I am, sexting at work.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
