There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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