i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
