I'm lost and stupid without you.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
