remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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