Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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