She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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