For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
