so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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