...so i touched it.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
