Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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