To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
