All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize