so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
