Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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