Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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