We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
