i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
