you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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