I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
