I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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