I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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