if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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