Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
