Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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