So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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