He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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