there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
