Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
