He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
