Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
