My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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