Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
