How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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