JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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