i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
