Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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