never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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