Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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