There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Are we in a gay sports bar?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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