id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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