At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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