Soap is not a condiment
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
