The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
