so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
