Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize