"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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