He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
