I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
